Old World or New, Sacred or Profane

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Goodbye to Cello?

This has been building up a couple of months. My wife and I bought a bank-owned fixer-upper to move closer to where my daughter will be attending high school. Well, it's turned out to be more of a fixer-upper than we had imagined. We have to sink far more time and money into it than we expected. Mold is much more extensive than we were told by the inspector (kitchen is now completely torn out), poor original construction (crazy wiring, no attic access...), and even more poorly done modifications to the house by former owners. What's more, the 13-year-old we moved to be closer to, now is punishing me by refusing to come to Dad's anymore over my support of my wife regarding the snotty way my daughter talked to her. So my ex is taking big advantage of this to egg on and reward the daughter for staying away from Dad, use the opportunity to stop working, go back to court, get a change in custody, and up the child support and attorney fees to maximum she can get (We've only been to court 60-70 times since the kid was born; she's a paralegal).

I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few months. I'm can't motivate myself for, and concentrate on cello playing. So I terminated my cello lessons, and I may even end up having to sell my cello. I've informed the folks that I play with that I'll play at an event that I committed myself to next week, but that's it.

I expect I'll continue to occasionally monitor some of my favorite cello blogs. Maybe some months down the road things will start to come around, and I can relax again. But for now, every day presents too many problems I just can't solve.

3 comments:

Maricello said...

So sorry to hear about all you have been going through, and I hope things ease up for you soon. I have had to focus on other things besides cello lately too, so understand some of what you are going through. But cello means so much to you; I hope you will be able to keep it in your life.

Gottagopractice said...

Bummer. Sounds like life is happening, and you are a little further down toward the base on Maslow's hierarchy than cello playing at the moment.

Don't feel guilty about setting the cello aside for the time being. There's no rule that says you have to keep taking lessons, Bob notwithstanding. It would be nice, though, if you didn't have to sell your cello so that it will still be there when your fingers start itching to play again.

Emily said...

This, too, shall pass. I know too well about court dates and the harrowing details of divorce and custody. My uncle is just now above water and the divorce was finalized in 1989, if I remember right. The best part is that his ex was mentally ill and he ended up being

1) her guardian

2) ex husband

3) only source of income

Excellent! The kids were seemingly torn limb from limb during the custody battle, and one of them was a huge red flag for all sorts of risky behavior, including unimaginable rudeness to my uncle and his new wife. What's amazing is that both kids came through it so well because they saw their father engaged in a healthy relationship. Once they stop competing for attention and realize that divorce is about parents issues, and not their fault, they mellow out a lot when they see someone they love being treated well. Now that's an example to set.

Hang in there, and if you need a cello scholarship, I'll teach you a few lessons this summer on the house so long as you can make it out. It's good for the karma, and you can even play on my cello if yours is M.I.A.